I'm tired

Tired of driving in circles for work, of coworkers being petty over meaningless things, over feeling unloved, of having to try to sort thru boxes while being productive at work, dreaming of being happy, anticipating fun. But having a hard time slowing down to enjoy it, of my back hurting, of not finishing close to complete projects, trying to balance saying bye to friends while not crying too much because I don't know when I'll ever see them, wondering if I'll turn into a grungy dirty dreads hippie, and wondering how to stay centered. . . . . .

tipping point

I am at this strange point in preparing to leave where I see ads or events coming and I realize I will not be attending because I will be in Peru.  Even sitting at meeting for work where they talk about how in 6-9 months we will have our new transit center completed and I realize, I will see it virtually but will not be there to see it live.

As the end of season sailing steak bash is announced for sept 20th, I realize I can eat my own steak in Peru that night and toast my fellow sailors from afar but I will not be there in person.

I believe that I leave in just 23 days for the first leg to my sister Maria's in southern Cali to visit for 2 days and then on sept 14th, I fly to Lima, Peru!!!!!! I'm so excited.

At the same time I delay thinking about that too much because I am here and need to keep full concentration to complete my simple tasks I've assigned myself before I can enjoy that time.  Just yesterday I thought I had completed the cookbook-AGAIN!!-because I had finished the index and then I realized, I hadn't paginated the cookbook. So it didn't matter what page number I wrote since there was no page numbers. IT WAS FRUSTRATING TO SAY THE LEAST, so I had to not work on it yet. ugh!!!

today I go to Portland to visit my daughter Siobhan and get some stuff sacks, water sandals and walking shoes at REI or Next Adventure. It will be a good day. I'm avoiding making eye contact with the 6 totes I brought down to sort through. . . .

My back went into deep agony last night and I couldn't work the 2-3 hours I had planned. I couldn't even think, I just had to tend to my back. It was frustrating but after tons of ice and advil, today I think I can make a go of what is my day.

23 DAYS!!! that's not a scary number. I just think today is Aug 19th and sept 19th I'll be gone from here and I'll be there in Peru!  nice!

saying goodbye

as i prepare to leave in about 30 days, I am making list of must-see people and making a point to spend time with them.  My daughter is one of these. It is hard and I feel sad going away from her, because I love her so much and enjoy seeing her face and listening to where she is in her life and being available. I suppose nothing changes except I'll see her face on skype and still be available but not living within an hour.  it was sad driving away from her and knowing that I will see her before I leave but probably the time will be shorter than I desire.

another person I made time was an old friend, he's now 87! I haven't touched base for about 3 years and in that time, his wife has passed on to heaven and he has been managing through those changes. I really enjoy his youthful energy and kindness towards me. I told him he and his wife are people I carry in my heart, wherever I go and I hope that it's the same for them now him. He assured me that the love remains. If I don't see him again on earth, we said we'd meet up in heaven!

quiet time

It's been refreshing to hang out near a lake in my friend's camper and swim and sail and just think and relax.  Everything has been on thing after thing after thing that it's been nice to just be calm and sleep a lot and not give myself a schedule.  Of course it's rough to have to get decent to drive a few miles to get coffee.
Yesterday I picked organic blueberries and met this funny guy whose father had driven him in a car to Costa Rica. I thought my dad was the only on to ever do that with his family.